It was grey, warm and humid today. I woke up with a rather melancholic mood. A million thoughts have been swimming around my mind the past week; all were triggered by a certain someone. It is definitely not just the question of the relationship between us, but it has evolved (in my mind) to become the question of my way of life. What do I want? What do I believe in? Why do I want to believe it in that way?
I believe in God. I know He exists and He is a big ball of love. And if there's light, there is darkness; it's contrast. What do I do with this now? I'm so tired of church. I'm so tired of the human religious notions of it. I'm so tired of feeling condemned for thinking differently. I go to church to socialize, not to seek God. I did the whole nine yards church life for 18 years of my life. The past year... I've been going just for the sake of my parents. I do not want her to think that she failed in raising me up. I don't want to see her cry.
We assign meanings to things; that's what being a human is. If that is so, then, I have the option to assign my own meanings don't I?
I want to be a big ball of positive energy. I want people who see me, meet me, somehow be in contact with me to feel happier, lighter, and they should definitely smile more! I feel confined with the label "Christian". It has negative notions to it that I do not like. I feel like "Christian" has snobbish connotation. Why are Christians so separated? Don't we all live in the same atmosphere? Don't we all breathe the same air? Don't we all have the same precious life? And I'm pretty sure God loves us all the same. Get out of the clouds and come down to the ground! Christians cannot save the world by being exclusive.
Instead of going to my Gerontology 101 class, I bought a disposable camera and headed to the beach. While waiting for the light to cross, a bike courier stopped his tracks and said, "Hey. Just want to say I love your outfit. It's the greatest. You made my day better". And my dearest stranger, you made mine better as well.
Be in love with life!
Clar
No comments:
Post a Comment