Self love ain't vanity

Photo credit: Clayton Austin

I love myself.
I think I'm awesome. I love how I cannot bring myself to hate or dislike anyone. I love how I can quote almost the whole Zoolander movie or the LOTR trilogy. I love how dorky I am. I love how I love sleep and my bed so much. I love how I can make references to my statistics class last semester.

A good dose of vanity is recommended. If you don't love yourself, then who will? Self-love just shows how much you appreciate yourself and I think that is the biggest turn-on.

This post is inspired by this guy:


WHY BITCH WHY?!

at the other end

After six weeks of tangling, twisting, topsy-turvy, frustrating, exciting, and very implosive crazy colliding pools of thoughts with the rough waves of logic mixed with some fiery experience... I have come out, I believe, better.

What I learned is that I must stop worrying about the future and learn to take things slowly. It is good to think about the future, but I cannot force myself to make a decision when my heart hasn't even made a decision. My good friend taught me that. I am grateful to him for what has happened. He also taught me that I should look out for what I want and put myself first, not others' feelings.

I also realized that I do not want a relationship right now. I'm loving my independence as a single lady. I am going to make as many friends as I can and we will enjoy life together for now. When it actually is time for me to be in a relationship, I'll know. I definitely do not have the will to be in a commitment right now; definitely not. Time, I believe I do, but I don't want to use that time for a specific someone yet. I'm not ready to sacrifice that.

<3, thanks buds!

Breathe.

On Monday, I needed to breathe; so I went down to the beach. It was one of those twisted gutsy feeling within you that is prodding you to do something. So I went.

Here are just some of my favourite shots






My new rainboots. They remind me of strawberries and picnics. That day, I was sitting on a log, waiting for my friend. A middle aged guy who was rollerblading sat on the log next to me and we started to have a very nice chat. He started the conversation with how he likes my boots. Then we talked about Indonesia.

Today I woke up at 6am to attend a 730am Hatha yoga class. As the bus was crawling up the hill, I looked towards a clearing and saw the whole city. The lower part of it was covered with clouds while the highrises were triumphing over the clouds. It was amazing.

To my surprise, it turns out to be one of the nicest days of September! Instead of doing homework at home, I brought out my beach towel and laid it out on the grass at the park. I sunbathed and did a little bit of Kinesiology homework.

I <3 my life.

Sand, Waves, Strangers, Fate, Chai Tea Latte, and a Disposable Camera

It was grey, warm and humid today. I woke up with a rather melancholic mood. A million thoughts have been swimming around my mind the past week; all were triggered by a certain someone. It is definitely not just the question of the relationship between us, but it has evolved (in my mind) to become the question of my way of life. What do I want? What do I believe in? Why do I want to believe it in that way?

I believe in God. I know He exists and He is a big ball of love. And if there's light, there is darkness; it's contrast. What do I do with this now? I'm so tired of church. I'm so tired of the human religious notions of it. I'm so tired of feeling condemned for thinking differently. I go to church to socialize, not to seek God. I did the whole nine yards church life for 18 years of my life. The past year... I've been going just for the sake of my parents. I do not want her to think that she failed in raising me up. I don't want to see her cry.

We assign meanings to things; that's what being a human is. If that is so, then, I have the option to assign my own meanings don't I?

I want to be a big ball of positive energy. I want people who see me, meet me, somehow be in contact with me to feel happier, lighter, and they should definitely smile more! I feel confined with the label "Christian". It has negative notions to it that I do not like. I feel like "Christian" has snobbish connotation. Why are Christians so separated? Don't we all live in the same atmosphere? Don't we all breathe the same air? Don't we all have the same precious life? And I'm pretty sure God loves us all the same. Get out of the clouds and come down to the ground! Christians cannot save the world by being exclusive.

Instead of going to my Gerontology 101 class, I bought a disposable camera and headed to the beach. While waiting for the light to cross, a bike courier stopped his tracks and said, "Hey. Just want to say I love your outfit. It's the greatest. You made my day better". And my dearest stranger, you made mine better as well.

Be in love with life!
Clar

slump.

feeling rather uninspired.

Two months after...

This post is pretty lengthy and has lots of photos. Snail-net people, beware.

I know I said the next post will be in Japan, but I didn't have a converter for my laptop. For some reason it was really hard to open my laptop everyday at my Aunt's place. Then I had an issue with me losing my charger, etc etc.

Still in Indonesia. Almost exactly two months now :). It's definitely different from Canada. I miss Canada a lot. I was homesick for the first three weeks. I didn't have that much fun until I started going out of town.


My first trip was to this town called "Bogor". Around an hour or two drive from Jakarta. I was there for three days with my sister and her baby. We stayed at her husband's family home. It was huugeee.... sadly I didn't take too many pictures inside of the house. Then we headed to the Bogor Botanical Garden. At the Botanical Garden, they have the world's largest flower: carrion flower, or called "Bunga Bangkai" in Indonesian. The flower only blooms once every three years. It was first a tree, then it dies, then it became a flower. When it blooms, it gives off a bad odour like dead animal; hence, the name, "bangkai" means "corpse". The flower wasn't blooming when I was there sadly.

I got home Wednesday, then I left for Puncak on Thursday night. Puncak is the typical vacation spot for people in Jakarta. "Puncak" means the top... and it's basically a mountain top. Well, maybe more like the side of it. Puncak is extremely popular due to Jakarta's usual hot weather. Puncak is usually... colder (not anymore... it's too crowded and rather polluted now).

I love the road up to Puncak. The side of the mountain is used for tea plantation. Lots and lots of green.

Got home from Puncak on Saturday night. Monday, I left for Bali! BALI. I fricking loved Bali!! Indonesia is a country, famous for being Muslim... but for some reason, Bali is full of Hindus. This difference in religion actually made Bali unique. Balinese are friendly, artistic, and polite. They fear for karma.


We stayed at my sister's father in law's friend's villa. It was a pretty villa. Traditional, but modern inside. Most of it was open space. The living room was surrounded by a koi pond. The roof was made out of straw and bamboo. Finally, it was fully equipped with traditional Balinese windows and doors.




All I did in Bali was eat and shop. The one place that is quite famous is the "Babi Guling Ibu Oka", Ms. Oka's Suckling Pig. It's an attractive tourist spot due to its location underneath a tree.


The one thing I always wanted to do is to wake up in the morning and take a photo of the sunrise. Well, from my previous post, I have said that I love sleep. But on the last day, I actually forced myself out of bed and I walked to the beach. And this is what waking up early gave me:


Overall, it has been fun when I'm out of Jakarta. I miss Vancouver so much and I just hope the next trip I make will be with my friends :).

xoxo

One more sleep...

My flight is tomorrow at 12: 45. Will be on the plane for ten hours heading for Narita, Japan. I get to stay overnight cause my 8 hr plane flight to Jakarta will be the next morning at 10.

I should be excited as hell and cannot wait to start my vacation. I shouldn't be able to get any sleep tonight cause I get to leave this town after 5 years or so. I should be excited that I'm exploring places.

Truth is, I'm sad. Something is holding me back. I love Vancouver.


I want to stay a bit longer here. I love the spots of blue sky after a gloomy cloudy morning. I love the warmth of the sun that contrasts with the chilly spring air. I love riding on the skytrain looking over the skyscrapers as I leave Downtown Vancouver. I love walking along the seawall and look at the cityline. Oh, and the vibe. How everyone is kind of just chillin', maxin', relaxin' all cool playin' bball outside of the school.

I want to stay overnight at Tony's house for a French movie night (or more like, an attempt to a French movie night). I want to walk around the park singing at night with the people I love. I want to have random gatherings that wasn't planned. I want to chill at the bar while I get to know you.

I'll fucking miss you, Vancouver. Vancouver and everyone that is in it.

I cannot wait to come back. Just wait; I'll come back for you.

Vacation Reading List:
The Bro Code
The Book of Awesome
Persuasion

The next post will be from Narita, Japan.

XOXO